Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
