New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
