When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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