he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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