Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
