Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
