ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
