apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
