May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
