someone threw a dead crab at me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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