I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
