Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
