I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
