Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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