I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
