I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
high people should be assigned attendants
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
