No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
