apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
