i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
