Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he thought i was a dude.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
