Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Come share oat with me in your robe
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
