You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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