If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
