Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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