He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish you could order shots online.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
