some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
