His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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