He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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