Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
