so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
