Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
