Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
