if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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