my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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