We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
