I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
