He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i want to swaddle you in tequila
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
