a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he fucked my hip out of place.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
