have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
