I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
