My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
