I just saw a hot homeless man
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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