Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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