I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
