Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
