If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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