found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
