There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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