Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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