the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
