Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
