drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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