I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
