Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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