Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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