Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
