you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My ass is underappreciated
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
