Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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