what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
