Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
