Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
