I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We had to coat check the pizza.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
