Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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