I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
