So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
