please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
