Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
