So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
