I need help removing her.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
