Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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